Day 3 | Thursday | July 11

Today, Mum and Dad woke up trying to tell me how hard life is because I am jobless and I should go back in the mine site. I never really want to tell them but I told them this morning that Im not really doing what they think Im doing in the mine site. It's really difficult. I told them that I'm not doing what I'm suppose to do, It gave me goosebumps but it kinda felt a 'bit more relaxing that they already knew it, though I know that deep inside my Mum and Dad's heart they think I'm a huge disappointment in life, I have been hiding to many secrets from them, there is a lot that they don't know. I even snapped and told them that even it's hard for me, I also have been applying for a job in the mine site recently, but I always get rejected. Imagining myself back in the 4 corner of a small room, thinking that the next day will be all the same, Alone and Quite, it makes me want to shoot my head and splatter my brain all over. I feel that Im utterly useless, Mum has to go to work today though she is sick because without me helping, she can't afford to miss work.

Dad decided that if we want to be successful in life, we should leave Perth and live in Melbourne. I think it's kinda official, Or not?. I know it will be hard but for the sake of being successful I am also willing to do it.


 Just recently "Perth is now Australia's most expensive city and the 10th-priciest to live in worldwide, according to an online cost of living index."

Living in Perth, being isolated from the rest of the country is good. People think Mining Industry is still booming. Mining Boom is over, it's all back to how is all started, before all you can see in the news are the success of people who works as FIFO, now you can see how many FIFO employee kept losing their job. It doesn't even ends there.

Yesterday, I started looking for a job in Melbourne. I mindset myself of how I imagine my life would be being in Melbourne. My friend from the Philippines taught me how to Day Dream. It worked. It will kinda works for the best. With lot more opportunities and whilst everyone is transferring to WA thinking that they should get a job in WA because of the good money, I am securing myself a job whilst it's still early to get out of the chaos.

My intension of writing to this blog is to let people how I feel, I forgot that even my mates use to read this, well, Im not afraid because everything in here is true but as I said, Im not that anal when it comes to how I feel so, one of my friend caught me trying to make her not to worry about me. When I day dreamt about living in Melbourne, I also imagine telling all my mates that I will be leaving, my friends is my second family, I would be devastated to say goodbye, but mostly to Nate. We once dreamt to leave Perth and drive to Melbourne to live their as a couple. Now, I don't know how to tell him that I'm going in Melbourne with my family instead of him, We made dreams together, Going in London and build a new peer of friends or go in Melbourne and start anew. This is so difficult, after his confession that he still love me, It's really hard to say goodbye, Our friends think of us like Ross and Rachel of FRIENDS. I hope so, without sleeping with someone else and "On a Break" thing-y. I hope they meant that we are meant for each other. I don't know what will be the best for both of us, but again imagining leaving him behind our dreams together is just a massive downfall to my life, (At least it doesn't want me to kill myself). One of these days I will tell you why Nate and I broke up. I think it's my fault. So yeah! I wouldn't let myself living in a pavement, but also won't allow myself to let go of something really good.

Anyways,I received an email from a reader in South Korea. He said that my letter is intense and shows how hard life is realistically. I appreciate the effort of sending emails. I just hope people in the higher government knows how to struggle like this. this is not good. I might think of killing myself but I have someone to cling my life into, Imagine the life of people who don't have anyone to hold on to. It would've been utterly awful to live. 

til tomorrow 

nigeltv

xx