Day 3 | Thursday | July 11

Today, Mum and Dad woke up trying to tell me how hard life is because I am jobless and I should go back in the mine site. I never really want to tell them but I told them this morning that Im not really doing what they think Im doing in the mine site. It's really difficult. I told them that I'm not doing what I'm suppose to do, It gave me goosebumps but it kinda felt a 'bit more relaxing that they already knew it, though I know that deep inside my Mum and Dad's heart they think I'm a huge disappointment in life, I have been hiding to many secrets from them, there is a lot that they don't know. I even snapped and told them that even it's hard for me, I also have been applying for a job in the mine site recently, but I always get rejected. Imagining myself back in the 4 corner of a small room, thinking that the next day will be all the same, Alone and Quite, it makes me want to shoot my head and splatter my brain all over. I feel that Im utterly useless, Mum has to go to work today though she is sick because without me helping, she can't afford to miss work.

Dad decided that if we want to be successful in life, we should leave Perth and live in Melbourne. I think it's kinda official, Or not?. I know it will be hard but for the sake of being successful I am also willing to do it.


 Just recently "Perth is now Australia's most expensive city and the 10th-priciest to live in worldwide, according to an online cost of living index."

Living in Perth, being isolated from the rest of the country is good. People think Mining Industry is still booming. Mining Boom is over, it's all back to how is all started, before all you can see in the news are the success of people who works as FIFO, now you can see how many FIFO employee kept losing their job. It doesn't even ends there.

Yesterday, I started looking for a job in Melbourne. I mindset myself of how I imagine my life would be being in Melbourne. My friend from the Philippines taught me how to Day Dream. It worked. It will kinda works for the best. With lot more opportunities and whilst everyone is transferring to WA thinking that they should get a job in WA because of the good money, I am securing myself a job whilst it's still early to get out of the chaos.

My intension of writing to this blog is to let people how I feel, I forgot that even my mates use to read this, well, Im not afraid because everything in here is true but as I said, Im not that anal when it comes to how I feel so, one of my friend caught me trying to make her not to worry about me. When I day dreamt about living in Melbourne, I also imagine telling all my mates that I will be leaving, my friends is my second family, I would be devastated to say goodbye, but mostly to Nate. We once dreamt to leave Perth and drive to Melbourne to live their as a couple. Now, I don't know how to tell him that I'm going in Melbourne with my family instead of him, We made dreams together, Going in London and build a new peer of friends or go in Melbourne and start anew. This is so difficult, after his confession that he still love me, It's really hard to say goodbye, Our friends think of us like Ross and Rachel of FRIENDS. I hope so, without sleeping with someone else and "On a Break" thing-y. I hope they meant that we are meant for each other. I don't know what will be the best for both of us, but again imagining leaving him behind our dreams together is just a massive downfall to my life, (At least it doesn't want me to kill myself). One of these days I will tell you why Nate and I broke up. I think it's my fault. So yeah! I wouldn't let myself living in a pavement, but also won't allow myself to let go of something really good.

Anyways,I received an email from a reader in South Korea. He said that my letter is intense and shows how hard life is realistically. I appreciate the effort of sending emails. I just hope people in the higher government knows how to struggle like this. this is not good. I might think of killing myself but I have someone to cling my life into, Imagine the life of people who don't have anyone to hold on to. It would've been utterly awful to live. 

til tomorrow 

nigeltv

xx

Day 2| Wednesday | July 10

Today, I decided that I will walk around Perth city to look for a job. I have been walking for 2 hours and my printed resumes are running out. Why I don't know why I decided to live this way. I miss my old lifestyle but there is something I like chasing hard money. I know it's hard but I kinda need to do this. Many people thought Australia still has lots of Job opportunity. Well, Jobs in Australia are running out. People thought if you are young you can get as many jobs as you want. It's not always like that. I just hope everything will be back to normal. Unemployed Australian rose few days ago and it keeps rising. It's terrible. I am stressing out. I am not showing everyone but I am. I don't know how to keep up with this kinda of living and I don't know until when.

I wanted to go back in the Mine Site but I maybe kinda had a phobia. I have been treated badly. I have been emotionally and socially abused. I hope I can say these words to my parent so they won't have to push me to go find a job in the mine site. Working away for 2 weeks, living with the person who abuse you is like living in jail, well I don't know how life in prison but let's all assume. Everynight in the mine site is a living hell. I actually almost took my lofe, my ex-boyfriend Nate always encourage me to keep living and look on the bright side. I had a terrible phobia working as Fly-in Fly Out, I dont know if mum's serious that if I didn't get a job in there she will kick me put off everything that i own outside the house. Yes, she said she'll kick me out. I think it's just a threat, but if it isn't I will surely have no reason... Now I'm sitting in the pavement chair. Thinking what should my life be? Im also imagining what if I go back in the mine sote, I'll have heaps of money but also will need to see Psychologist again. I have hidden heaps of stuff from my parents. I dont want them to get all freak out about me. I have heaps of friend that I can run into but it's much better to talk to my parents but, i have no guts. So writing thiings up makes it so much better. I just had a call from someone, I have an interview on Tuesday. I hope this will go so well. I really want something permanent. Im kinda stressing out if I already said it but also relieved that I am out of the living hell. My doctor told me, not everyone is the same so she's pointing out that if I will go back as FIFO I might not exprerience the sane thing, thought I am worried since according to my old mates. What I experience is terrible but there os heaps more terrible thing. Anyway I am talking about Process Mineral International. They are good company but as a fan of Undercover Boss. The owner probably don't know what's going on underhim because someone is filtering all the report he needs to hear.

My day is about to end, I just decided to watch The Ashes Australia VS England. Keith Lemon is right. Cricket can kill. It can kill you by boredom, but still it can ease the pain. I'm really upset so I cooked Meatloaf. I want to wake up tomorrow by a phone call from one of the people I applied for, Im not rushing but Im bored. Now Perth has been voted as most expensive city to live in Australia. I am totally looking forward to work and live in Melbourne. It will be lot more better.

xx nigeltv

Day 1| Tuesday| July 9

Day 1| Tuesday| July 9

Today, I woke up early though I slept very late last night to watch Celebrity Juice on 7. It's my favourite show ever. Anyway. I woke up because I have an interview at Jamaica Blue on Booragoon as Wait Staff/ Barista. I started looking for Barista/WaitStaff job since I enjoyed making coffee when I worked for Miss Maud until they Phased me out. The Manager in Miss Maud store where I work don't know how to fire people because there is absolutely no reason to fire people in her store, so instead she'll just didn't put me on the roster. Well, I was being playful though she ain't gonna put me forever, I still keep visiting the store and ask her to roster me. Then also today I called Cafe Nochello if they needed me to work today,(Oh! I forgot to tell you I'm working as Wait Staff in Cafe Nochello) They asked me instead to go there and collect my salary last week. I asked them if when should I work, They said they'll call me. That's bullocks they will never call me. Now I need to find a new job so today I decided instead of relying on seek.com.au I will also going to drop off my resume to the shops in the City. There is a wait staff in Cafe Nochello who I feel who doesn't like me, It's the lady from the Philippines. I dont know why? I dont want to jump into conclusion but I know she dont like me. Whatever aye. I don't know what's wrong with me or the people. I mostly get along with my work mates except from those people who has positions. Im feeling down and giving up but Im still clinging to my family. Also today. I decided to go under hypnosis(Weight Loss, Life , etc) Its my first day but I hope it goes too well. Do you think I should keep doing the Hypnosis. I love the feeling after all.

In my love life, not good. few weeks ago, I met a guy named Zack. I wanted to date him but Nate my ex-boyfriend before Brenton confessed that he still love me, the next day I dont know what to do next i told him I love him too. He told me I am the reason he left Australia to go to London to move on from me, but still can't so decided to go home. We have been friends again, The other night he invited some foreign guy. I utterly felt jealousy. Thanks to my mate Maddy for being there, Well anyway I was just in Nate's room since I'm really jealous and I wanted to burst out, until he knocked on his room door to tell me that they need to use the bedroom. Nate don't even know the lads name. Nate and I had this strange thing that before we have sex and weekly do HIV/AIDS check. So I know Nate doesn't really want that to happen. So rudely I opened the door and send the guy home and Nate and I talked. I told Nate I still love him and imagining him to be with someone else makes me so jealous. Silly me He is drunk and never remember what happened that night. Do you really think people who is drunk can't remember anything after all ? Well, Anyhow I have no idea what to do and who to go for but hoping that everything will be good and Nate and i will soon see the light and go to what really meant to happen.

See you tomorrow xx

nigel

PS Im enjoying the fact that I am expressing myself.

First Blog

Hi Everyone~

My name is Lionel a.k.a nigel. I use to make YouTube videos weekly. Feel free to check out my videos. I'm kinda thinking to do it again regularly but in some turn of event. For a whilst I can't even be bother. I recently worked for Miss Maud but they left me hanging but that didn't stop me, I found a job in Cockburn Central as Wait Staff but now with no reason they're not rostering me on. Now, I woke up today feeling upset and horrid. Maybe because I know somethings gonna happen terrible. So I decided instead of writing things down on my note, I'd just have to type it on my blog, So I can share my stuff up like Julie Powell who blogged her whole year. I admire her enthusiasm and positivity, Through Ups and Downs she shared it to everyone. Now starting from now on I will try my best to share my day by day basis. In the first place. I am a quitter. It kinda hurts to hear it from myself but yes, I kinda quit, but as I said I will try my best. So please help me keep writing blog if my blog will inspire you, I would love to hear advice or something i should do in every decision I make. 

xx

nigel